Halloween…. a time to live and revel in imagination and creativity. A day that you are not limited by who you are or how you look. Costumes to masquerade in for fun and looks. Funny how it seems like life has reverted for me in this regard. For 34 years my costume was worn everyday and on this one day I was free to be me. Now it seems those tables have turned.
Now I live everyday without a costume. I’m real and open with the inability to hide behind the mask I wore. For the last 2 years I’ve been exposed and to be honest if feels amazing!!! No more acting, no more hiding, no more lies. Now when I dress up for Halloween it’s for something totally different. It’s for the party I’m invited to. It’s for the friends I’m surrounded by. I am finally living the life I dreamed of that 1 day a year.
It’s amazing how life can change. A few years ago I was visiting universities. I went to a local campus and was open and forthcoming about being a transgender female. It was early in transition and though I was greeted with love and acceptance I was shy. I was very quiet, reserved, and kept to myself. That day I realized there was life out there and I wanted to live it. It took a long time, but I returned there not as a student, but as part of an education panel.
Great kids, great questions and an amazing time but something hit me more than any other point that day. One of the original professors I was greeted with so many years ago spoke to me after. Here she had me in her thoughts even after all these years. She remembered that shy person back then and was amazed at the girl who stood before her that day. Confidence that wasn’t present those years ago.
My how life can change. Confidence, commitment, and freedom all hinged off a small dream lived once a year. So on this day as we celebrate the ability to be anything, some people may be celebrating their freedom for a day. Yes, it’s more than just a silly holiday to some when others are hoping for that forever moment. All Hallows’…. the dream that became a reality that started me on a journey to become the best version of me I could have ever been. The real version of me. No more masks, regret, or pain just a beautiful reality.