Broken families

I’m very much someone who likes to stay humble.   I don’t talk more than to a few people about what I do in the larger context of the community.  I’m hitting on this not for praise or thanks because truly…. I don’t want nor do I deserve it. To be honest what I type today my own parents don’t know in detail.   Today however something changed, something happened that bothered me immensely and it is high time I put some of this out here for everyone.  For those who wonder about true love, true acceptance, and actually caring for someone outside the small circle you call friends.   

Have you ever read into someone’s life?   Have you cared about their pain even if you have never seen them in the flesh?  Do you have the empathy to love someone not because you have to but because you want to?   Unconditional love with no strings.   I know this whole heartedly.   I know and remember which friends have anxiety, depression, Dysphoria, or even just past pains they have struggled with.   I’ve gone way back to see that girl who talked nothing but darkness and I have seen the cuts in her arm and it gave me pain.   I felt her pain.    

Let me tell you a typical day.   I wake up at 5:00 ish most everyday and it starts with what inspirational quote or meme would I like to post.   What can I put out there that may help someone who is down.  That is my first though everyday.   Before work I message some of the girls I’m  close too.   It’s always to say good morning to them.   Maybe I know they’re waking up alone or maybe I now they have had a bad couple days.    It doesn’t matter why I do it… I just do.    I love them because I want to…. not because I have to.    My lunch is filled with catching up with my wife and catching up on messages from the day.   After work I am either talking to someone or I’m helping to moderate one of the few groups I help with all while keeping my social life intact.    I do this because I WANT to.   

I care about that girl I visited because she is amazing.   I care about her for all that she is.   I care about her for her.   I care about the girl I stopped to try and talk to but couldn’t.   I worried about her for 32 hours hoping she was ok….  a girl I’ve never seen.   Why you may ask… because I wanted her to know people care.  I wanted her to be safe and to feel loved….  no one in my life deserves to feel alone. 

Now that you all know what I never talk about…   let me tell you a story I specificily asked  to tell.   Let me give you a glimpse into what some girls deal with. A story that plays out much more often then we would like to admit and something I myself have not had to handle… yet still feel her pain.  I was raised to learn that a parents love is unconditional and I’ve lived in a false reality that that is actually true across the board.   Let’s let reality hit us for a second and realize that many girls like me lose family.  

Imagine a moment when you have to tell your family you’re different.   You’re transgender and you have to come out to your family, a family that has loved you no matter what for 20, 30 or 40+ years.   Now let imagine that you told your mom and she is super supportive, you tell your brother and he comes back with anger, then you tell your dad.   He needs “time to think” and after a few weeks that father who most would think would still love their child.  He can’t even respond again.  You don’t get a call or text but instead you get a message sent trough your mom that your father just can’t handle it.   He said he’s “just not that liberal”.  He can’t handle loving his child anymore.   

How can any parent not love their child?!   How can you honestly no longer talk to or associate with your child because they are transgender?!   How can a parent place religion or politics.   How can you turn love off?   How is it possible to not feel pain telling your child you no longer want them in your life?   I am a parent to three amazing daugters and love them for who they are, how they are and without condition.  I can’t fathom that a parent can abaondon their child but I will say if you are one of those people….   I’m sorry for you.  Shame on you. Shame on you for not being there when they need you. Shame on you for tossing away the daughter you never knew.  Shame on you for not having unconditional love for your child.  Shame on you.

I can promise one thing though.   I promise you that for every parent who does this there is someone willing to be there.    There are many girls like me out there who want nothing more than to give a hug and say it will all be ok.   We will be the family that truly loves your child unconditionally.   We will step up and be the person you aren’t big enough to be.   We will be their family, their support, and their structure of family.   

This is the last time I will talk about this so take note.    This love for others isn’t some cry for applause.   This is to open your mind and for you to realize that love doesn’t have to come with a fee.  No one should be required to be anything other than who they are for it and no one should make another be who they aren’t. Love your child, love your friends, be their support.  Don’t do it for a thank you nor for praise…. do it because you care.   Be selfless.   

Image via google images. 

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