This post will be all over the board, but it’s how my mind was running today. Organization flew right out the window.
Life for a normal person can seem pretty frustrating. Work, kids, meals, and many other daily stressors. The striving for money that can keep family’s apart in the sake of some false societal status. Lives become mundane and fall into a mechanical design with the same things every day. Hockey, ice skating, and horses add the next level. Now what if there was more added that is out of your control, but needed attention. Is there room for more in ones life?
These added feelings of more is my life. Not only do I strive to do good for my family, I have this part of me that is always clattering in the back of my head. Living in a society that doesn’t understand nor do most want to. Living is fear if someone will attack you for who you are. This just happened again this week. A transgender woman was attacked from behind by 4-6 people, beaten, then murdered with two gun shots to her back. This is the society people like me have to see everyday. Mostly good, with just enough bad to make it a game of Russian roulette just walking out the door each day. This heightens the dysphoria felt in life.
Dealing with dysphoria is a lot like fighting a daily battle with anxiety. A battle waged behind an off kilter smile and the presumption everything is fine. That presentation is hiding pains of the past and present. Mental scars, that can not be fixed with a band aid or ointment. Things that have been said that can not be taken back. All this leads me to my current concern, a close friend.
My friend had surgery the other day and she is currently recovering. This is a friend I meet online and became very close to over the last year or two. I have some major excitement for her as she completes her journey. I also had plans to go and visit her as she lives far away and traveled close enough for me to possibly drive there. I’m hoping I can still pull off a financial miracles to do so, all for the ability to support her just as she has done for me. She is free now.
I care for all of the people out there suffering in silence. Not only the ones like my friend completing her journey, but the ones also living in fear. Those who are less fortunate in their support system. Those rejected by their families, rejected by friends, or rejected by society. Death threats, a pipe bomb thrown through a window, physically beaten, or murdered. Shamed, belittled, degraded, or shunned to the point that death seems like a relief.
Then we have the constant worry of how the marriage will survive. Can we struggle through and find happiness in the situation. Will the kids be ok is another question. Kids mental and physical health is the most important and it seems my kids do well for the most part, but I’m sure there are issues. My wife has been good but I still have those fears of divorce. More mental baggage to carry and hope that we can survive.
Just because the wounds are not visible doesn’t mean they don’t hurt and as I sit here and contemplate the fact that transgender people have become a target for some others fear, hatred, or just plan ignorance. Another target to be attacked. It is time we as a whole community stand up and declare that we are not going to take it anymore.
Peoples lives are at stake and something needs to be done for the sake of the whole.
Image pulled from